I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
