You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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