That's when you crack a 10am beer
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
