Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
