it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
