apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
