i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
