I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
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