im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
ttyl tear gas
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
