sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
