Betty ford says i'm here all night
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
