Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
