I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
True strength comes from lack of pants
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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