that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
