Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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