If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
