Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
