Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
