It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
