hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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