I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
