This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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