o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
