I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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