i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
