Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
