sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
