im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
