4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
