Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Randomize
