my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
