Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
