He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
