my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just blew my weed a kiss
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
