No, drunk sperm still make babies.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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