Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
