I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
