If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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