He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
