At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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