i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
