I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
