I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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