i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
