The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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