I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You know, be my cock's hype man.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
