i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
