I just made out with a guy for $7.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
