are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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