how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
