Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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