I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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