i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
