I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
