Christians are straight up FREAKS
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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