$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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