It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
