I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
