i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
