I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
